Thinking of you....

One of those times when I just feel lost and lonely. I've lost my freedom and everything feels so different now. I feel even more useless because I can't do what I want. I feel bad too for making people worry about me. So I kinda don't like myself. Jie I want to be with you. I miss you badly... I wished you were here to take care of me. It just feels horrible to be sick and not knowing I'll recover... or if I'll ever recover! What if I only get worst... what will happen? Jie, what should I do when I'm scared? I'm thinking of you with tears in my eyes but I know I need to be strong and learn to handle life on my own... with God's help of course! Jie, I love you! =)

Jie, I'm wana study

I miss you so much and I also miss mummy alotz. ALthough its only like 2 weeks since I last saw her... but I already missing her. I wonder how I'm gona survive not seeing her for months to come. Maybe this is just the beginning and maybe it'll fade away soon. Maybe soon, I'll not even miss her or think about her. I don't know. Maybe I'lll miss her more and more. I don't know. Whatever shall be shall be and I'll decide when it happens. I really want to go and be with mummy but I'm so unpeaceful about it. So I've decided to stay on cos I think I wana study again. I wana study hard for now. I'm alittle angry with daddy cos he keep wanting to scold me when I also don't know why he wana scold me. He made me very sad and he make me miss u and mum even more. Sobz sobz sobz. Anyway... I'm a big girl now, I'll try not to cry so much. I'm not a cry baby liao. =) I'll try... I promise I will. :D

Jie... I'm your sister in christ!

Jie! We're not just blood sisters! We're sisters in christ also! Are you happy that I've made my decision? I think I finally feel like I ming bai and I wana know God... not in knowledge way but like really know in person. It happened at a wierd time, in a wierd way. But cool loh. I'm feeling alittle scared of my decision, I do not know why. But I'm still happy. Have been so busy recently and never go to church liao... then like God went further and further away! But not now lah... cos I know He is with me always. Haha. Jie, dad don't want to let me go JB for CNY so I'm actually angry with him. But then I also don't want to disrespect him loh... so I never really argue with him. Just hoping that he'll give in to me :P Jie, I hardly write in this blog... but today I just feel like I want to write to you... so I decide to write here instead of my usual blog!!! JIE... you happy?!?!

Moving on...

Jie... I miss you alot and I still wonder why you left me alone. But I will not blame God for it anymore cos now I believe that God has a better purpose. You will always be my dearest Jie and I will always miss you lots lots lots... but I will not allow it to make me feel like I can't move on without you. I will be strong and move on... no matter how lost or afraid I may be. I love you JIE!!!